ephemeral

losertina:

Since I was a child, I was unaware of who I was. I grew up speaking broken Vietnamese at home and speaking fluent English in my classes. I didn’t think being culturally enlightened was important. Fitting in with my white friends was more important than anything. Maintaining a likable persona was and still is key to surviving middle school + high school, hell to life too.

Had being younger, I looked at the slurs such as, ‘Ling Ling’, ‘Ching Chong’, ‘Chink’, and etc. as nothing more than funny terminologies to call South/North Eastern Asians. I grew up watching Asians at my school, either mixed or 100%, slant their eyes with their fingers and spew out nonsense, which, supposedly, was to mock Chinese. I grew up watching Asians CALLING themselves Ling Ling and Ching Chong. I watched them accept and normalize racial slurs, right before my own eyes. I grew up watching white actors and actresses make fun of Asians on TV shows, creating and inserting stereotypes into young people’s minds. I grew up making fun of myself, my culture, and my language.

Stereotypes are called what they are for a reason. My Vietnamese parents do do nails, they own a nail salon, and their English is broken; comprehendible, but broken. I would see videos of people mocking Vietnamese nail technicians and I would get so humiliated and ashamed, for myself and my family, because I KNOW that this wasn’t their fucking dream when they immigrated to America. They didn’t have much fucking choice, yet people still have the audacity to make fun of their hardships, WHILE getting serviced. People at my school would ask about my parents’s nail salon, asking if they could get a discount, asking if one of the technicians were my mom or my dad. They would ask me questions to which I’d offer a brief answer. I’d do so much to avoid the feeling of shame when asked about my parents’s business.

My parents dropped and sacrificed everything to provide a better life for my sisters and me. They left family and friends and risked their lives. I know a lot of parents are put into situations like that, especially foreign parents immigrating to America. Any child of an immigrant will understand. Therefore, I am no longer ashamed of what my parents do for a living. I’m proud and grateful for the opportunities we get and how hard we’ve all worked for it.

Hyper sexualization of Asians has also been a contributing factor to racism/ignorance. Let’s just make a few things clear, people: It is NOT flattering when you tell me you love Asian girls/women. It is NOT flattering when you tell me you’ve always wanted to be with an Asian girl/woman. It is NOT flattering when you tell me, “You’re pretty for a Vietnamese girl”. I’m sick of seeing Asian women on media depicted as the badass side character who knows martial arts, or as the ‘exotic’ trophy wife, or as the bookish, awkward loser with less than 10 lines in an episode. Brenda Song is famous for being a “dumb Asian”. Lucy Liu is famous for her badass roles, somehow always relating her to performing forms of karate or martial arts of some sorts. Jackie Chan and Jet Li are famous for their karate films.  Jenna Ushkowitz is literally well known more for fact that the lack of lines she was given in Glee than for her acting and singing.

http://www.abcnewspoint.com/top-10-most-beautiful-hottest-and-sexiest-asian-actresses-2015/

http://www.ampedasia.com/article/10-hottest-asian-actresses-with-the-most-hollywood-potential/

Hottest and sexiest ASIAN actresses, because you know, OF COURSE their race has a lot to do with their career and quality of work. Let me know when you see an American article that states, “Top 10 most beautiful, sexiest, and hottest WHITE actresses 2016” or “Top 10 hottest WHITE models of 2016”.

Do not pursue an Asian woman expecting the sex you see in hentai. Do not pursue an Asian woman expecting to submit herself to you because you heard we are docile and kinky. Do not pursue an Asian woman JUST BECAUSE SHE IS ASIAN. I am proud to be Asian, I am sex and body positive, but not to the point of objectification/fetishization. Sex and body positivity should not be confused as submission to being taken advantage of. It is not self objectification, but self awareness.

Because Asian men and woman have been fetishized for such a long time, I feel like some of us are unable to see the ignorance that plays into the fetishization. We are so desperately seeking approval from our white society that we play right into the stereotypes to satisfy them. We fail to educate because we are scared of being seen as obnoxious or oversensitive. But goddamn it, standing up for your people is NOT obnoxious. Breaking stereotypes is NOT obnoxious. Having an opinion and feelings is NOT being oversensitive. You fucking stand up for your people, even if there are people who may disagree, who may not see it as a big deal, you do it because it’s important to let them know that you and other people will not tolerate their ignorance.

Now, when I advise you to stand up for yourself, what I truly mean is to educate. Educate in a way where they will want to listen to you. Before you explode, think about what you’re saying and HOW you’re saying it. If you yell, they’ll feel attacked. If you call them names, you’’ll be playing the same game they did you. Now you’re probably thinking, “Why should I stay calm when they’re the one attacking me? HOW do I do that? They should get a taste of their own medicine.” But remember, you must not give into the ugliness of contradiction. If you are calling them names and you claim to be fighting for equality, you’re contradicting yourself and everything you believe in! No one’s going to take you seriously if you’re a hypocrite.YOU must be the bigger person, but also remember that being the bigger person isn’t about winning; it’s about being a humble individual, knowing who to give your time and effort to. It’s okay if you yell and lose your cool the first time. Educate, but know when to stop feeding into the ignorance. Don’t burden yourself, but don’t let them think it’s okay.

Despite everything I’ve said, I am aware there are Asians who are okay with being called Ling Ling, Ching Chong, or chink, and or gook. In fact, I know a few. Some don’t think it’s a big deal and some think it’s funny. Do I agree with them? Not at all. Do I feel uncomfortable? Of course. But my opinion probably won’t change their views on it and that’s okay. There must be a balance of different opinions, so I still respect them as a person. But a message to my fellow Asians: do not ever feel pressured to laugh at a joke you do NOT find funny. Speak if you’re concerned, unless the circumstances make you unable to. Do not feel pressured to give yourself up to an environment you’re not comfortable in.

The purpose of this blog post was not to attack anyone. Once again, it’s to educate and help people become more aware of what they’re saying. It’s also to reach out to young Asians, like myself, because I want you to know you are not alone. You are not the only one who feels pressured to fit in. So let’s grow as a community and continue fending for ourselves because we are not going to be the butt of the joke anymore. We are not going to be walked all over. Strengthen your and each other’s voices because nothing is more important than uplifting other people and yourself. You are so much more than what media portrays you as. Your race/ethnicity doesn’t correlate with how good you are at something. You’re good because you are GOOD. Be the best you can be, inspire and educate.

xoxo thank you so much for reading

-Tina

thank you for explaining what i couldn’t put in words. as an asian-american myself, i can relate to every point that you made.